He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize