You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
