you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
