they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
