Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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