obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
