My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
