Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize