I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
