Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my sisters under your porch take her home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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