The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
