i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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