I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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