If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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