dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize