We're like a lot better than the average bears
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
