She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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