I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
