Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
