UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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