this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
