her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
