Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Two words: blizzard sex
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize