you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
