i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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