No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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