omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
