god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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