I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
