Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
