Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I bet he comes in French.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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