I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
