It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
