you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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