is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
