Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
