We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
