So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
