we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
