I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
