shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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