I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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