Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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