ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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