Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize