He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
