Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How drunk are you?
Completed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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