ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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