Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
