I just cut my nipple shaving
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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