did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize