I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
