I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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