yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
