I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
