so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
