bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
