I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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