Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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