you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
