My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
