The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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