dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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