I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
