Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My penis needs a shock collar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
