YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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