ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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