did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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