she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
