Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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