So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
