Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
