I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
