i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
