just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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