Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
