i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
