I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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