HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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