Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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