Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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