We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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