you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
