so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
