I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't put those talents on a resume
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
