you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
