Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
