i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize