walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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