you lied. pity sex is amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
