yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
