She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize