I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
