Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
