i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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