moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im six kinds of drunk right now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
