i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
