Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
