We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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