Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
