so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
