You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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