my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My balls are so social today.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
