i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
