ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
